Skins?

Skins is back.
How depressing.
I have reason to believe that Skins made me slightly depressed during Year 11 and/or 12. I think it was the fact that Skins makes people who have like serious mental retardations appear super cool and super hip and, during its broadcast, it was apparent to me that I wasn't sufficiently mentally or socially inept.
So I became miserable and depressed.
Now that I was 'depressed' I could look on Wikipedia to see whether or not I was depressed I found something that was like the next level down from depression (forgotten the name but it isn't as bad as fully hardcore depression), which made me feel (ironically) good about myself as I had mental problems, just like those fucking freaks on Skins.
I remember trying to make myself cry to go to sleep, but then I looked up on the NHS website and saw that depressed people actually don't cry as much as mentally stable people. DAMN!
Although I did come up with a suicide tactic of jumping off a motorway bridge about 40 minutes walk from my house. Once I was very much convinced I would jump.

But suicide is painfully selfish, no matter how much in pain you are. Jumping from that bridge could've killed drivers below as well as myself, affecting their families, not just mine. Or what if I actually didn't die but became severely brain-damaged for the rest of my life instead? Let us not dwell on these hypotheses for much longer, the point is that so many people are affected one person taking their lives into their own hands (or death by any cause for that matter).
Additionally, my attitude to depression was extremely narcissistic and I know now that I really did not have depression (...well I knew at the time too admittedly), but I empathise with those who actually do have depression and I feel really stupid for abusing the term of a serious mental illness.

I think I used my 'depressed' personality as an attention-seeking device or sympathy reaper. I was in fact contemplating texting somebody I fancied that I was depressed and wanted to kill myself or something in order for them to come to my rescue, cry for me and then make out with me. Super shallow, no?

I know that this 'depression' was thanks to Skins because once the series was over (or whenever it wasn't on) I was a pretty stable and sensible and happy person. It's just that I take things like Skins super too seriously. I didn't feel cool enough. I still don't feel sufficiently cool, whereas this time I don't really give a shit.
I felt like I was missing out. I was comparing my life to a TV series featuring characters of the same age to me and I questioned myself as to why I didn't have a mental problem; why I wasn't doing drugs; why I cared about school.

When Series 4 aired however, I had grown up and realized how shoddy and unconvincing the programme was.

Now that Series 5 is being broadcast tonight, I really can't be fucked to join in.
The lesson to learn here is: Skins isn't real. You'd have to be stupid like me to believe it is.

God, this lesson-teaching thing's so cliche...
HAPPY THOUGHTS!

A Fanatical Product

This post relates to the trial and tribulations of the Fanatical Project about a Lady Gaga concert video of many moons ago at college. I recommend you fill yourself in about it at fanatastical.blogspot.com before you read on to get the gist of what I'm going on about in this post.


Much as I wished this project would go die since I got so overtly stressed out over it, there would be one more week of fanatic-related work.
But this time I was a little more relaxed I think.
Basically we had to create a product from our obsession. I already knew I wanted to do something with the overlapping drawings of Gaga and thought to do a full-sized long length replica of the jumping drawings to sell as a poster/booklet, but found that there wasn't a sufficiently long enough piece of paper to reprint the images, and sewing or sticking pages together looked kind of clumsy and tacky.
So I decided instead to scale down the images by scanning them onto the computer, combining them all together into a continuous image, and then having them printed onto A4 paper.
After trimming down and choosing the best paper weight for the job, this is the result:

The phrase 'GAGA'S GOT IT' has been used because that's how I felt when I watched the film from where the still shots come from. Like, she ruled the world or that she knows what she's doing.

20or so editions were printed, and each pencil-signed and numbered with my main blog (conglats.blogspot.com) written in the back, so that when I'm famous, people will be so happy to have bought one of my super old pieces of work, duh! About 15 of these editions have badges attached to them in order to add value to them (a premium product perse). These badges were created when one of my tutors brought in a professional badge-maker and so I tried it out with the picture (which was chosen as you cannot mistake the picture for anyone but Gaga) that you can see on the badge, and the badges came out looking super-awesome! For some of the badges, I decided to colour in parts of Gaga's face/hair in orange and yellow (those colours as they were the only ones I had at the time!) which added extra impact to the greyscale badges. The number 15 wasn't chosen specifically, but just because at 15 badges, there weren't anymore badge-making materials left and I'd have to buy them from the German manufacturer in Germany and I didn't have time to do that. Initially I wanted to have badges on all the booklets, but this restriction worked to my favour, being able to charge the with-badge booklets a premium price than those without.

The neutral-colour string was used to cleanly keep the booklet folded before purchase, as well as to give the booklet a more attractive and professional-looking feel.

So this booklet was simply printed using an inkjet printer. The combination of premium paper and inkjet gave a more screenprint feel even though it wasn't, which also upped how professional the product looked.

The pictures show the first side of the folded out booklet.

I like the blank space to content ratio, which I think gives the imagery more impact, more vivid even though they are simply line drawings.

This is the last page on the first side.
The booklet was made with a concert programme in mind: lots of pictures, fewer words, simply a souvenir of being there. Fortunately, Lady Gaga's concerts in London coincided with the Fanatical Product week, so I kept in mind that I wanted to make this for the fans and then take the booklets I don't sell at college to the concert on Friday in order to resell/give them out freely and  to give to Lady Gaga personally (I was standing 5 metres from the stage!). For this reason, I typed the London tour dates on the reverse in order to make it into a souvenir booklet of being at the gig.

The reverse page was made by simply reversing the front side of the booklet and sending it through the printer once more.
I felt that I couldn't keep the reverse page blank, so I added the 'slap' images onto the back as they were the second best images in my opinion.
In addition to the images and unique signing of every copy, I added the lyrics for some songs at the top of the booklet:

The lyrics, in my opinion, gives the booklet a more functional role as fans do crave for the lyrics of their idols. I wanted to have 5 copies of each of the song lyrics heard at the concert on diferent copies of the booklet so the booklets could be collectable and/or exchangeable, but copying and typing and manufacturing would take too long to do, so I whittled the song numbers down to some of her most iconic songs:

• Just Dance
• Poker Face
• Bad Romance
• Dance in the Dark
• Glitter and Grease (few of these copies were made as not very many people have heard of this song)

That is the product run down!

(simulpost on fanatastical.blogspot.com)

THE DRUNKEN POST

omg so totes piss
ed

that it's dizzy tastic
supertastic

how are you?
god can't function propr
thsi is not fun at allllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
herrp
derrrrrrrp
kerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrpburp

shberrrr
shnerrrrrrrrrr
jeeeeeeeeez
wtf????
ias theis post all about

???
leave mealone
to ponder myself and sex and life and rock and ruuoooolllll
glamour
fame life
famous
future
i
you
freak
future
fuck off
good night

How to make...

The Fame Review's Conclusion

I should have posted this ages ago, but due to shit and things, it hadn't occured.
So, yes, despite meagre response for becoming famous through this super-famous-yeah blog, there is a winner to the fame competition (remind yourself what I'm on about by reading A Fame Review). So the winner is.......

...the Sexual Harassment Panda!

So his end of the bargain was to send me a short essay as to why he should shoot to fame with thanks to this blog and he sent this little number:

My Fame Contest Entry.
An essay by: Sexual Harassment.

Panda.

Attractive Blogger,
You speak of fame as if you know it. But you do not know fame until you have starred in a documentary like I have, in order to spread the message that “no means no” and “please do not touch me there” as well as “doing naughty things makes me a sad panda children”.

The documentary I appeared in is quite famous, you may know it as “South Park”, although in my native land of The Island of Rejected Mascots it’s known as “That makes me a sad panda”.

I wish to win this competition, because I do not want that disgusting and sexually ambiguous slut C.J winning that mixed taped with your saliva. She posts such sexually arousing things on her blog that it makes my fur stand on end and my bamboo sticks break.

And that makes me a very sad Panda indeed.

Also, the prize should be Panda nudity, because doesn’t that just get your noodles frying?

The photo is of me peeping through to look at the female Panda’s enclosure, because you can take the panda out of the sexual harassment, but you can’t take the sexual harassment out of the panda.

I think you will agree.

Stay hot,

Sexual Harassment

Panda.

I chose Mr Panda as he already has experience in the fame industry, so he won't be overwhelmed with the fan mail and wo-panda love letters that are sent to him in the bucket load (btw please forward any electronic panda fan mail you have to sexualharassmentpanda@live.co.uk). I've also seen his work and it does look good...he has a somewhat unorthodox method of the prevention or sexual harassment, yet they it works for him and works for others.

He also called me 'Attractive Blogger' which is super nice too.

Now, to keep my part of the deal, I had an interview with him. Unfortunately I wasn't able to meet him in person, but we did execute the interview over msn:

Sexual Harassment says

hello attractive blogger. Sexual harassment panda here.

Germanotti says

oh hello. up for an interview?

Sexual Harassment says

I suppose so. As long as you do not become aggressive

Germanotti says

i'll try not to

Sexual Harassment says

you writers as all the same. C.J verbally assaults me.

Germanotti says

serious?

that's awful

well i promise not to do so

Sexual Harassment says

Makes me a sad panda. anyway...questions

Germanotti says

yes

first of all

when did you realise you had the potential to become famous?

Sexual Harassment says

When I were a young panda cub and I had my furry winkle in hand, I realised that I could change the world. One painful dry hump at a time. Although I do not encourage young pandas to dry hump their way to stardom...it is how I found my way in this misfitted world.

Also, furries really like my style.

Germanotti says

i see so how did this turn into the prevention of sexual harassment?

Sexual Harassment says

I saw some panda sex. A LOT of panda sex. And I didn't want anyone to ever have any unless I was involved. Sexual harassment...well nobody deserves it but myself.

Germanotti says

pretty selfish no?

Sexual Harassment says

Absolutely. I am the greatest panda and all others can suck my cock...but nobody elses

I do not share bamboo Mr attractive blogger sir

Germanotti says

'bamboo sharing'. i'm not so familiar with that phrase. is that a sexual term?

Sexual Harassment says

yes it is.

If you don't know what it means, you need to ask someone to show you.

Germanotti says

would you?

Sexual Harassment says

No, i am a panda and you are human. It would be an act against the sun

Germanotti says

...anyway, what will you do with the new-found fame you shall gain from this interview?

Sexual Harassment says

I will use it to hit on wo-panda

and then i will share some bamboo

also, I will use it to launch my own drag show and perhaps website

Germanotti says

we'll discuss your show and website later

but most importantly, wo-pandas

Sexual Harassment says

I like wo-pandas who are black on white, not white on black

Germanotti says

i see, is that not a bit racist?

or that's just how you roll?

Sexual Harassment says

Pandas do not have racism.

Germanotti says

no?

Sexual Harassment says

We simply have preferences. And I prefer pandas with more black fur

wo-pandas* I'm not a slut like C.J

Germanotti says

i know, she's a problematic one! do you read her blog?

Sexual Harassment says

Problematic? hmm that jezebel is going to panda hell

and ofc i read it Her blog is porn!

Germanotti says

i see

now about websites and things you mentioned

explain further

Sexual Harassment says

I wish to become a famous panda and get much tail. Therefore I shall launch a sexy naked panda website where I can chronicle my favourite wo-pandas

I might charge an entrance fee of many panda dollars

Germanotti says

nice

what would you call it?

Sexual Harassment says

Panda Poon perhaps.

and my username would be sexualasspanda i think

Germanotti says

not sexual harrassment panda or shp?

Sexual Harassment says

shp looks like ship

and i hate ships

Germanotti says

why?

Sexual Harassment says

they make visitors come to misfit mascot island

visitors who rape and pillage my wo-pandas

I DO NOT SHARE MY BAMBOO

Germanotti says

so..gosh that's awful for you what kind of visitors are they?

Sexual Harassment says

They are ppl who probably enjoy C.J's blog. Harlets and human mans

all wanting some education

...I'll educate them....

Germanotti says

i see

It was an enjoyable experience, so thank you, Mr Panda for helping me out and I wish you all the luck with your famous ventures and drag show and/or website!

Oh and the cassette I've licked is in the post.

2011 PREVIEW

Clock of clocks

Eine Unterhaltung

 - Katy perry totally stole my signature peace sign over right eye photo pose for her new opi nail varnish ad campaign!!! Bitch! Tho she is way hotter than me so i cant argue much. Not sleeping sure is useful!    x

 - Paris blog no?x

 - One sec x

 - Sorry my wireless router f-ed with my internet connection. Bear with x

 - Sure :) putting my face on anyways. X

 - Oh shit I went briefly to watch some tv and fell asleep for an hour x

 - DERP! ah with katrina derp at this party dinner. Good times. I told her about cinema thing I did. YOURE NOT 18! Xx

 - On a roll just posted again. Xx

 - Ffs, go to asleep

 - I dreamed something really boring today. I just don't remember what...maybe something like being at work or something x

 - :) well good try. I dreamt geena crashed my exam tomorrow and farted on my papers and so i failed. Lol Xx

 - Oh no my dream was me walking on the road, maybe floating...by frimley c of e in the dark. The background music was the stylites remix of gaga's dance in the dark. Pretty. Boring. No? x

 - Sounds rather mysterious quite like yourself. Not much happened but floating sounds like fun :) i like a good nightmare actually. Xx

 - I'd like to fly. Or float. They are my real dreams. Free. X

 - Mm that sounds really nice :) i like dreams that are of old places. Also sex dreams. And when i dream about cool ppl. Xx good day?

 - Omg just finished exam. Brain has melted. so many stupid stupid people in this college :) one guy had a lighter in the exam and was incredibly distracting. Xx