FEARNE

My friend and I had our A Level exams in June.
But these, of course, are unimportant issues.
The Isle of Wight Festival 2010, however, was super duper more important!! It was really good fun and it was really...good...fun...trying to not go for a shit (which I didn't!) over that weekend - do you really think I'd sit down to use a Portaloo, honestly? I'm too famous for that shit - geddit?

During that Summer I was getting into using film cameras. I find the best pictures are the ones taken with cheap and nasty compact cameras with Sainsbury's own-brand film (but now I can't find any Sainsbury's own anymore - on the other hand Jessops hands out film for free for every film processed - take note!). I think it's because the colours look a lot more vibrant and kinda makes each picture (no matter how shit the composition or focus is) like a pretty piece of art. The better photos are the ones you don't really think about so greatly whilst taking them.
However, unlike digital, film is not instant obvs. So it has taken me 6 months to get them processed as I was doing lots of things and stuff in between then and now.

And I think they came out well:

So then I text dearest friend once the photos were processed, took 'em down the pub and she enjoyed most of them.

'Most' as said friend has great problem with Fearne Cotton (ok the video isn't of her, but Morgana Robinson has nailed her irritating TV/Radio tics down to a T). In my eyes, Fearne is a bit like an older sister since I've grown up with her from when she was 16  on Diggit to her now being on...a lot of substandard ITV trash.

In her eyes, Fearne just pisses her off.

I'm mentioning this as Fearne was at IOW presenting an ITV2 round-up version of the festival from a plinth adjacent to the Main Stage. So when Paloma Faith decided to dedicate a song to Fearne whilst onstage, my friend's respect for Faith faltered.. Meanwhile I was like 'OMG it's my older sister, I'll take a snapshot of her!'

So shallow...

Upon viewing the picture of Cotton, said friend got her fag out and burnt Fearne out of the picture:

Et voici: l'evidence!
There are two burn marks because friend fucked up and burnt out a cameraman standing next to her.

Hate's a bad thing, lol.

Do not open document cover.

Woops, I so totally did.

Scanning is a bore. So make it super fun and exciting by opening the document cover!

19/100 Beauties

Where am I?

Skip to 1:15 and watch the papers fly...

We'll still have fun.

The car dashboard is complaining about the fact that it's -7 degrees outside.
Meanwhile we're screaming Cliff Richard's "Merry Christmas, Everyone" to the cars queuing impatiently on each side of us on the M25 at a comfortable 20 degrees.

We walk fast towards the O2.
My next to broken pumps feel damp. But they're just cold.

We queue for an hour.
It's a little warmer here next to people looking at us weirdly as we warm ourselves up to a constantly interrupted version of "Assereje". Thank you Las Ketchup Girls.

Walk - don't run!
But I tripped up, I wasn't running, Jesus!
5 metres and we'd be on the stage.
It's warmer now.

Bye Bye Lady Starlight.
Shit, someone's fainted.
Well I didn't take him seriously 'cause he's a bit of a drama queen. You, madam, are a wonderful friend. And have a wonderful behind. Conglats.
Uh oh, someone else has fainted.

Drinks are distributed.
Jesus, share that fucking drink!
Drama Queen returns with a full cup of drink and hot dog.
Should I pass out in front of Gaga?
It's sweaty and jumpy.

The uber-Gaga fan to the left of me is giving me nervous glances and copies every move I make.
You smell bad, so no thanks.
In fact, most of Standing Area smells bad.
But the music is too overpowering for me to care about the odours too much.

Want your Bad Romace.
Heart is racing.
Want your Bad Romance.
I throw the 'Gaga's Got It' pamphlets for effect.
Heart races onwards.

The lights come up.
There are no remaining pamphlets trampled into the floor.
Somebody has taken quite a few and shows them to someone else.
It still feels hot.

I'm cooling down to a pleasant temperature at the Car Park ticket machine.
Have a drink.
God, I love water.

Turned onto the A2.
I'm feeling a bit cold.

GAGA'S GOT IT

(sorry i look mega unsexual)

Hey there! You may have picked up one of these either on the Thursday 17th Dec at Camberwell College of Arts, or on Friday 18th Dec at the Lady Gaga gig at the O2. First of all, thank you for taking one, and secondly well done for finding my blog (if, that is, you noticed the blog url scribbled in on the back of the little booklets).
These are miniature pieces of art I think.
An accessible piece of art I think also.
They are inspired by a project at college about obsessions and my present obsession (maybe admiration is a more suitable word) is the video shown at the start of the Lady Gaga gig, hence the images from the video. We were then required to create a product from the work we were doing on this particular obsession/admiration and this was it: a pocket-sized programme/artwork thingumy.

I hope you like them.
Please please please send me your feedback on them to my email address conglats@gmail.com or leave a comment. This'd be greatly appreciated.
Keep these for when I'm famous so you can say you have an early piece of work by me! Could be a good conversation starter, who knows?

Oh and read the rest of my blog too. You may just find it interesting.
Maybe.
Additionally go to fanatastical.blogspot.com if you're interested in what I got up to on the obsessions project.

Trash Fondue

Last week was an intense week.

That may be reflected in the limited blogging on Conglats, and my use of Fanatastical!! a lot more, but I'm (basically) resuming normal service nowish.
So a la fin d'un intense week, there was a party, thank God.
The current obsessions project drove me mad and I was aiming to get super trashed at a fondue party where the only person I knew was C.J. Despite me never wanting to get trashed again, I seriously couldn't give a shit.

Donc, as normal parties go, my phone leaves my pocket, goes walkies and returns to me, normally without being messed about with, however a few days later I found a few photos on it I hadn't taken...mysterious! Cos no one knows who took the pics. And I seriously didn't take them! My memory serves me well whilst inebriated - I in fact remember new names better than when sober! Impressed?
Anyway here are some pics what I found on my phone...

Oh hey C.J.!

Looking pretty in a hat Umlaut brought with her. Now that hat did a lot of walking on its own accord! Then when the hat found its way into my hands, I think I started beating others with it..it hurt others real bad I think. Damn you hat (totally not my fault in any way)!

And damn you Grappa too! C.J.'s contribution to the alcoholic pile was some shit that tasted mega-rank and didn't go down well..still my Penguin wine was happily tasty, especially since there was a penguin on the wine label and little footprints printed onto the cork. That was my main thinking when I bought the wine: it has a penguin on it and it's also second up from Sainsbury's Basics wine, I mean paint-stripper.

Oh hey Jack!
Looking pretty just sitting there by the fondue set....in all honesty, the fondue was the prettiest thing at the party. Chocolate stains, profiteroles and cut strawberries everywhere, but God did it taste goooood. Shame there wasn't too much of it. It could've been sticky and shit, although the white surfaces in Lucy's kitchen would've suffered greatly. It's MEGA shiny and clean in that kitched. Very modern. But lacks kookiness I like.
Oh and it was Jack's 18th too, which I was unaware of, so I didn't bring a present, sorry! But a good time was had by everyone, I think.

Who's this?
Who knows?
Who cares?

I just care if the real picture taker would please stand up.

Thanks!

Obsession and Perfection

Find out more at fanatastical.blogspot.com.

The Tale of The Language Whore and The Painting Rapist (maybe)

I think I currently have a total mega video fetish.

So, please look at another:

LINK

Let me explain what's going on.
At art school we had to make notes on each other's quick drawings and from these notes we had to develop a final piece. I was experimenting with rearranging the words on the page to create a Dadaist-inspired poem. The rearrangement I finally had was to take the first word from every line and making that into a sentence, then taking the second word from every line, third and so on, making a nonsensical essay.
I was playing around with masking tape and then wondered how far down the corridor I'd get just by copying my nonsense essay onto a single piece of masking tape. I got pretty far as you can see.

However, I wasn't satisfied.
I wanted to go further and give myself an excuse to explore the parts of the college building I had never seen before.
Meanwhile in another session we were discussing our interests and passions and the first that came to mind for me was my love of foreign languages; and one thing followed from the next. I set about translating my nonsense into different languages! I started with French and German (thank you A Levels!) and then someone looking at what I was doing said 'you know what I could translate your text into Spanish if you like'. I nearly wet myself in excitement! This project was thrilling!
And from her I asked other people I knew who could speak a foreign language to translate my piece (although I could've translated everything in google translate because it doesn't make any grammatical sense, I believe in real knowledge of a language, not a computer...cheers Mrs Brown), and the longer the masking tape became, the more people enquired about the work and offered to translate the text into the language they knew. Oh the help of beautiful strangers...

I also got into kinda odd conversations too: there was some guy who does BA Painting who I briefly discussed my work with, and then he rounded off the five minute conversation by asking me out for a drink. Unfortunately my innocent mind processed this request as just going out to a pub in order to consume a beverage and that is that...however 10 or so seconds later I grasped the real connotations of this phrase and was like 'whoah, when did we get to this subject? You're waaay too forward! I can't even remember your fucking name, for God's sake!' So I said I was busy (which was true - Harry Potter, yeah?) and he obviously appeared pretty disappointed. Nevertheless I shall take his forwardness as a compliment, unless he secretly wanted to rape me which is totes not cool.

Ew

So altogether the following languages were used:

• English
• French
• German
• Czech
• Dutch
• Hungarian
• Spanish
• Russian
• Greek

Shit - nine languages...I hadn't even counted until now! I think that's a lotta language.

I'm such a language whore.

La pute des blogs

Guess what?
I now have a second blog!!

fanatastical.blogspot.com

It's all about the current project we're doing a la art school so it's a lil more serious than this blog so don't expect megalolz.
Check it out, check it out, check it out, check it out.

Meet somebody

Everybody I'd like you to meet Aunt Flo:

Aunt Flo is my aunt or something.

To be completely honest she's a total bitch. Whenever she comes over for her monthly visit  to our house she's a total bitch, especially to my mum but for some reason she just puts up with her.

Unfortunately the stress these visits cause make my mum mirror Aunt Flo, thus she becomes a total bitch too, demanding chocolate and Midsomer Murders (Aunt Flo loves Midsomer Murders like anything) in bed!

This is Aunt Flo getting mega-bitchy. Don't ever cross her when she's like this. She just rants on about how her life is so shit and wants to be left alone and stuff...even though she does all the visiting. It is so hard to ignore her.

As you can see, mega mega hates herself when she visits.

What a bitch.