A Fame Review

One day I decided to become famous.

I can't recall the specific date date or time I though this but one day I decided to become famous and I did.

I am currently a very famous person. So famous that you can't actually find me in OK! or Hello. That's how famous I am. I'm classy famous.

Today I decided to compare my famous self to my fellow famous counterparts by googling 'famous people'. These are the first people that came up.

The Queen Yeah I can see why I'm totally like the Queen. We were both born into fame. Fame comes natural to us. We just take it and roll with it. Although her fashion sense is a bit too retro....well at least it's not all Ugg boots and jeggings so I guess she has some class and dignity. It's just the Duke of Edinburgh isn't doing anything for her. Certainly not the most avant-garde accessory of this season...time to let go.



Albert Einstein Sometimes it's better being famous for being different. Einstein does this (mostly) effectively; he's not famous for his beauty, his thespianity or his operatic voice. No. He is most known for that intelligence of his. And intelligence is hot. It gives fame a better name. Although...that hairstyle of his isn't all that...

that's where Einstein fails on being different. The copycat. Don't copycat - stand out and innovate!

Elvis Presley Not only is this famous one famous for his songs, he's most importantly renouned for his tics. That hippy shake; that weird lippy thing; that accent. Additionally he's also heralded as the guy who died on the toilet. What a glamourous way to go. I'd choose asphyxiation, but whatever.

Who's this guy? There is a fatal flaw with this famous person - I don't know them. Never ever EVER be this person! That hunch is also highly off-putting.

Now you know how not to be famous, send me a picture of yourself and a brief essay on how and why you're ever so famous by the 2nd December to conglats@gmail.com. In order to encourage you to carry out this task, the most famous person will be interviewed by yours truly (probs over msn or something) and the results from this said interview shall be posted on this very very famous blog, so you will as a result become super-famous!! What a prize!

You'll also get a mixtape I've licked in the post. Not too sure what's on it, but there is some music on it.

Be famous!

welcome

Sketchbook

I am so turned on right now.

In case I get a bisexual beating by C.J., it'd only be fair if I wrote a list of my turn-ons as I am extremely 'sexual'. So without further ado, Germanotti is at present turned on by...

• London. No, not the Canadian London! I mean the real London, like art English London, duh! Who would be turned on by London, ON? It's like a complete ripoff of real London; it's on the Thames River (N.B. not River Thames), has its own Hyde Park and Covent Garden! No one's turned on by a copycat.
• Dutch-ness. The Netherlands if you want to be so 'ra' about it. I love Dutch-ness. Dutch food (sprinkles on toast anyone?), Dutch design, Dutch psyche, Dutch bicycles (got one of them, it's a beaut)...Dutch anything! Except the weather cos it's pretty much like the UK, so crap.
• Fashion Illustration. Fashion illustrations are the sexiest motherfuckin pieces of art in the whole wide world. I envy Rene Gruau and the many others who illustrate in a similar FASHION (yeah, I went there). Check it out, please, it'll make you wet.
• Lady Gaga. Despite being vegetarian I'd screw her wearing her meat dress. No, in fact if I were to attempt to screw the lady herself, we'd probably have some surreal conceptual sex like be cover entirely in bubble wrap which makes a very intimate moment very not intimate at all due to the fact we wouldn't be physically touching one another, but metaphorically blah blah blah...
• Andy Warhol. OK, I'm not kidding but everytime I pass the Andy Warhol shelf in the college library my heart races with excitement and my palms get all twitchy. Crap then starts spouting out my mouth like 'ohmygodisototallyloveandywarhol'sworkit'samazingit'sjustwow' or something if anyone is in the vicinity of the Andy Warhol shelf. He was a good artist I think.
• Blogger Stats. It's a bit of an unhealthy obsession with my stats. I watch them every day in hope I'll have more visitors! You see, basically bust my load all over my diddy laptop when I get a view of my blog. The orgasm is even more intense if the view is from abroad (i.e. not the UK) because then I know it's definitely not just me constantly checking back for comments. Come on world, make me jizz!
• C.J. Natch which means natuerlich which is German for naturally or obviously.

What I'm not into is/are:

• Boundaries and Restrictions. Read into it as much as you will, but I'm going to keep it vague. I'm not fond of restrictions. Restrictions and boundaries can limit your choices or world or outlook on life and what's the fun in that? You could be missing out on many things!
• Narrow-mindedness. This is the biggest turn off for me ever. If you're narrow-minded and not willing to take a risk or try something new, go abroad or say 'fuck it', go on living your life but in a tunnel. Again, you could be missing out on many things!
• Art Bullshit. Ugh, just ugh. I have no patience for deep arty farty bullshit, although I'm meant to be into it, but it's just a fucking mattress with a stain on it!
• Gerkhins. Why? They don't taste nice at all! Olives don't either!

Happy now?

Followup

You see if you do listen to Christina Aguilera, you end up like this whiney bitch:

LINK

True fact.

The use of multiple colours is unfashionable.

You learn something new everyday.

I'm such a fucking freak. In real life you'll notice that there's something...off...about that child you're talking to.

Oui, c'est moi! T'es con, petasse!

But if you're self confident about it, you can go fuckin wild! You can say anything! That's how George Bush went about hsi presidency: his message was retarded but at least he believed in it and didn't say 'this war's been an epic fail, lolz'.

To start with I was a quiet, reserved child who preferred to conform to (or at least attempt to conform to) 'cool' which didn't really work out.

I remember once sitting down at the dinner table at lunch time at primary school asking my knowledgeable companions for how to be cool. My first response I got from them was 'you wear grey trousers, in order to be cool you must wear black trousers.' Oh shit. 'you need a games console' Double shit. 'you can't really 'make' cool by just having things' Shut up rational friend!!

6 years plus tard...(that's later by the way) I gained the life skill of 'self confidence' through GCSE drama in a somewhat unorthodox manner (this means bitching about the teacher and knowing the curriculum and how to perform better than her - seriously, we did!) and realised that if you have this vital ingredient 'self confidence', you can be who the hell you wanna be. You can be George Bush for all I care and people will think you're cool for it.

Or if you haven't gained sufficient self confidence, LIE! Lie through those teeth of yours, or if not, those perfect dentures of yours. Lie until it kills you. Lying gives you an air of confidence that makes you appear as if you know what you're doing (George Bush, no?). Oh and listening to Christina Aguilera patronise you about being beautiful is an unhealthy habit. Don't take it up.

Get out there and say 'fuck you world, I'm cool, you're mediocre!'

Boom, creepy old man, boom.

I am so vexed.

Being a student, it is important to do studenty things such as partying until it kills you but not quite, being liberal and non-prejudice, learning stuff (yeah, I know right?) and protesting.
I believe that I can now tick these four studenty traits off my student trait list and I have the evidence to prove that I can:

Partying until it kills you but not quite: A few posts ago I mentioned my fun fun party I went to in London and its consequence, but also quite recently I got so shockingly fucked on alcohol that I never ever want to drink again. A friend I had only seen many moons ago (like 3 weeks) and I got to the pub at about half 6. I drank and spillt many a-bevarage on my £10 blazer (charity shop, yah) and £25 jeans. This excessive drinking led me to have awkward conversations with others I hadn't seen in a long time (as in a seriously long time!). My chosen phrase for conversation was "Oh shit, I'm so fucked, this is terribly embarrasing, you shouldn't see me in this state..." and that exact phrase was repeated throughout the night.
I then threw up when I got home at 10 and felt a little better.
It was horrible.

Being liberal and non-prejudice: I come from the leafy-green suburbs of Surrey, where everyone is merry and gay and mostly white middle-class Christian do-gooders. Somehow I imagined the whole of Britain was  just like Surrey until I was introduced to the wonderful world of Peckham and Camberwell, where white middle-class Christian do-gooders are a minority.
That's just the surrounding area.
Now when I got to art school, I recognised that this so wasn't Surrey anymore - it was so racially, religiously, sexually, class-ly diverse my head imploded at how narrow my view of Britain was.
Fuck going abroad, try art school!

Learning stuff: Sure art students don't actually 'learn' as such, they just play with glue, pens and sparkly things all day in order to create a piece that look like a six year old could've made it, except the piece requires lengthy explanations of bullshit as to why it looks like a six year old could've made it. BUT we actually do have to learn stuff too!
A few weeks ago we had to submit essays on pieces of art or design we had seen during our time at uni and what we thought of them. And to do that we had to RESEARCH using BOOKS, WEBSITES and JOURNALS. We also were required to make a BIBLIOGRAPHY according to the annal teachings of the HOLY HARVARD SYSTEM OF REFERENCING (what a bitch). Yeah, we had to use our BRAINS.
(By the way my essay was on the UK road signage; you'd be surprised at how interesting it actually is!)

Protesting: Yes being able to perform the three former student traits means you are fully qualified to protest. I went yesterday on a demo to prevent tuition fee increases and the potential privatisation of art and humanities unis/colleges as the government believes them to be low-priority subjects (yeah, cos maths and sciences are high-priority?).
We were pretty pissed off.
Well actually no we weren't really. We were having a pretty jolly time and it was dead peaceful  (we didn't know about that Millbank window breaking kerfuffle until we got home). So dead peaceful we still had time to read our texts and eat lunch whilst marching. We also made some pretty confetti out of publications handed out by a Militant Student member. Lol.
Seriously, protests seem to be a time when anyone who has any sign of some sort to come out of their activist nests and wave it proudly. For instance I saw a 'JESUS IS COMING' sign. Swear I saw a 'ROMANS - FOR SALE' sign too.

And now I can officially say I'm a student.
I can die happy now.