Trash Fondue

Last week was an intense week.

That may be reflected in the limited blogging on Conglats, and my use of Fanatastical!! a lot more, but I'm (basically) resuming normal service nowish.
So a la fin d'un intense week, there was a party, thank God.
The current obsessions project drove me mad and I was aiming to get super trashed at a fondue party where the only person I knew was C.J. Despite me never wanting to get trashed again, I seriously couldn't give a shit.

Donc, as normal parties go, my phone leaves my pocket, goes walkies and returns to me, normally without being messed about with, however a few days later I found a few photos on it I hadn't taken...mysterious! Cos no one knows who took the pics. And I seriously didn't take them! My memory serves me well whilst inebriated - I in fact remember new names better than when sober! Impressed?
Anyway here are some pics what I found on my phone...

Oh hey C.J.!

Looking pretty in a hat Umlaut brought with her. Now that hat did a lot of walking on its own accord! Then when the hat found its way into my hands, I think I started beating others with it..it hurt others real bad I think. Damn you hat (totally not my fault in any way)!

And damn you Grappa too! C.J.'s contribution to the alcoholic pile was some shit that tasted mega-rank and didn't go down well..still my Penguin wine was happily tasty, especially since there was a penguin on the wine label and little footprints printed onto the cork. That was my main thinking when I bought the wine: it has a penguin on it and it's also second up from Sainsbury's Basics wine, I mean paint-stripper.

Oh hey Jack!
Looking pretty just sitting there by the fondue set....in all honesty, the fondue was the prettiest thing at the party. Chocolate stains, profiteroles and cut strawberries everywhere, but God did it taste goooood. Shame there wasn't too much of it. It could've been sticky and shit, although the white surfaces in Lucy's kitchen would've suffered greatly. It's MEGA shiny and clean in that kitched. Very modern. But lacks kookiness I like.
Oh and it was Jack's 18th too, which I was unaware of, so I didn't bring a present, sorry! But a good time was had by everyone, I think.

Who's this?
Who knows?
Who cares?

I just care if the real picture taker would please stand up.

Thanks!

Obsession and Perfection

Find out more at fanatastical.blogspot.com.

The Tale of The Language Whore and The Painting Rapist (maybe)

I think I currently have a total mega video fetish.

So, please look at another:

LINK

Let me explain what's going on.
At art school we had to make notes on each other's quick drawings and from these notes we had to develop a final piece. I was experimenting with rearranging the words on the page to create a Dadaist-inspired poem. The rearrangement I finally had was to take the first word from every line and making that into a sentence, then taking the second word from every line, third and so on, making a nonsensical essay.
I was playing around with masking tape and then wondered how far down the corridor I'd get just by copying my nonsense essay onto a single piece of masking tape. I got pretty far as you can see.

However, I wasn't satisfied.
I wanted to go further and give myself an excuse to explore the parts of the college building I had never seen before.
Meanwhile in another session we were discussing our interests and passions and the first that came to mind for me was my love of foreign languages; and one thing followed from the next. I set about translating my nonsense into different languages! I started with French and German (thank you A Levels!) and then someone looking at what I was doing said 'you know what I could translate your text into Spanish if you like'. I nearly wet myself in excitement! This project was thrilling!
And from her I asked other people I knew who could speak a foreign language to translate my piece (although I could've translated everything in google translate because it doesn't make any grammatical sense, I believe in real knowledge of a language, not a computer...cheers Mrs Brown), and the longer the masking tape became, the more people enquired about the work and offered to translate the text into the language they knew. Oh the help of beautiful strangers...

I also got into kinda odd conversations too: there was some guy who does BA Painting who I briefly discussed my work with, and then he rounded off the five minute conversation by asking me out for a drink. Unfortunately my innocent mind processed this request as just going out to a pub in order to consume a beverage and that is that...however 10 or so seconds later I grasped the real connotations of this phrase and was like 'whoah, when did we get to this subject? You're waaay too forward! I can't even remember your fucking name, for God's sake!' So I said I was busy (which was true - Harry Potter, yeah?) and he obviously appeared pretty disappointed. Nevertheless I shall take his forwardness as a compliment, unless he secretly wanted to rape me which is totes not cool.

Ew

So altogether the following languages were used:

• English
• French
• German
• Czech
• Dutch
• Hungarian
• Spanish
• Russian
• Greek

Shit - nine languages...I hadn't even counted until now! I think that's a lotta language.

I'm such a language whore.

La pute des blogs

Guess what?
I now have a second blog!!

fanatastical.blogspot.com

It's all about the current project we're doing a la art school so it's a lil more serious than this blog so don't expect megalolz.
Check it out, check it out, check it out, check it out.

Meet somebody

Everybody I'd like you to meet Aunt Flo:

Aunt Flo is my aunt or something.

To be completely honest she's a total bitch. Whenever she comes over for her monthly visit  to our house she's a total bitch, especially to my mum but for some reason she just puts up with her.

Unfortunately the stress these visits cause make my mum mirror Aunt Flo, thus she becomes a total bitch too, demanding chocolate and Midsomer Murders (Aunt Flo loves Midsomer Murders like anything) in bed!

This is Aunt Flo getting mega-bitchy. Don't ever cross her when she's like this. She just rants on about how her life is so shit and wants to be left alone and stuff...even though she does all the visiting. It is so hard to ignore her.

As you can see, mega mega hates herself when she visits.

What a bitch.

A Fame Review

One day I decided to become famous.

I can't recall the specific date date or time I though this but one day I decided to become famous and I did.

I am currently a very famous person. So famous that you can't actually find me in OK! or Hello. That's how famous I am. I'm classy famous.

Today I decided to compare my famous self to my fellow famous counterparts by googling 'famous people'. These are the first people that came up.

The Queen Yeah I can see why I'm totally like the Queen. We were both born into fame. Fame comes natural to us. We just take it and roll with it. Although her fashion sense is a bit too retro....well at least it's not all Ugg boots and jeggings so I guess she has some class and dignity. It's just the Duke of Edinburgh isn't doing anything for her. Certainly not the most avant-garde accessory of this season...time to let go.



Albert Einstein Sometimes it's better being famous for being different. Einstein does this (mostly) effectively; he's not famous for his beauty, his thespianity or his operatic voice. No. He is most known for that intelligence of his. And intelligence is hot. It gives fame a better name. Although...that hairstyle of his isn't all that...

that's where Einstein fails on being different. The copycat. Don't copycat - stand out and innovate!

Elvis Presley Not only is this famous one famous for his songs, he's most importantly renouned for his tics. That hippy shake; that weird lippy thing; that accent. Additionally he's also heralded as the guy who died on the toilet. What a glamourous way to go. I'd choose asphyxiation, but whatever.

Who's this guy? There is a fatal flaw with this famous person - I don't know them. Never ever EVER be this person! That hunch is also highly off-putting.

Now you know how not to be famous, send me a picture of yourself and a brief essay on how and why you're ever so famous by the 2nd December to conglats@gmail.com. In order to encourage you to carry out this task, the most famous person will be interviewed by yours truly (probs over msn or something) and the results from this said interview shall be posted on this very very famous blog, so you will as a result become super-famous!! What a prize!

You'll also get a mixtape I've licked in the post. Not too sure what's on it, but there is some music on it.

Be famous!

welcome